M is for Mom Mantras

by Ginger Plowman

 “Go to what you know.” 


That’s one of my mom mantras.  

Another is,

“How do YOU think it’s spelled?”



You know what I am talking about, those truths and principles you repeat to inculcate them into your kids, to give them what you believe they need to overcome obstacles and become productive people, people who can figure things out and stand on their own two feet. These are Mom (and Dad) mantras.

We remember some that our parents spoke into our lives.

“I used to walk 10 miles to school, up hill and in the snow.”

“We never got to do that when I was growing up.” 

“Nothing good ever happens after midnight.”

“Chores first.”

Each of us has our own list, though some may be common to all if you are from similar cultures.  The mantras are meant to instill in us perseverance, strength of character, wisdom.  In my house, among the regular chanted mantras I used were messages about attitude. 

“Attitude ‘A’ every day.”

"Be a blessing and be blessed.”
“What you practice you become.”

"Hold on to the Lord."

Your mantras say something about what you value, about what you believe contributes to a good life, about what influences you.  Some of the mantras of our lives we don’t even realize are there.  They may be subconscious, repeated messages in the recesses of our mind, but shining through who we are none the less.  Sometimes others may hear what we don’t realize we repeat.  These can be dangerous mantras because they may be shaping us with something harmful to our character. 

It’s a good practice to occasionally do a mental check of the mantras we recite, to listen to that voice that speaks within us, the messages we let freely rerun on the screen of our minds.  Listen as well to the ones we speak into the big wide world of our children’s futures.  It wouldn’t hurt to check with loved ones.  Ask if there mantras we are missing that may be having an ill-effect on us or those around us.  We all have blind spots that we can use a little passenger assistance to see. 

  What mantras have been influential in making you who you are?

A to Z Challenge

H is for Hold On

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“Hold on!  That’s not what I meant!”

“Hold on.  Be careful.  It’s delicate.”

“Hold on tight!”

All of these uses of ‘hold on’ imply something slightly different, yet they also imply something similar - value. 

In the first case, someone’s communication has been misinterpreted.  To the speaker the correct interpretation of what they had to say is obviously important to them.  They are saying, “Wait a minute.  Let me clarify.  I want you to understand me.  The link between what I am expressing and what you are receiving from me has value to me.”

In the second case, ‘hold on’ implies something more tangible.  As the speaker says, “Hold on,” the picture is of an object that needs to be handled with care.  I can envision a fragile piece of expensive porcelain being entrusted from the grasp of its caretaker to the expectant, cupped palms of a wide-eyed admirer, the object’s value emphasized in the solicitude of the transfer.

Picture 3.  “Hold on.  Do you have a good grip?”  This time safety seems stressed.  Perhaps its a child’s first dalliance with an adventure, maybe climbing a tree or a first ride on the back of a motorcycle or something even more daring.  The value of a life, sacred, precious beyond measure, halts a mother’s heart as she says, “hold on!”

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“Hold onto it.  Don’t lose it.”
"Hold on.  You can do it." 
“Hold onto it.  Don’t give it away.”

"Hold onto it.  Protect it.”
"Hold on.  You can make it." 
“Hold onto it.  Watch what you say.” 

 

What do these mean to you?  Will you guard your heart to love or protect it from loving?  Will you hold onto your faith or be tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine?  Will you be careful or careless about what comes out of your mouth or is expressed in your emotions?  Will you give up or keep it up?"

Words do mean something, but they can mean so many different things depending on the context and the background of the parties involved.   People are complicated.  So are our relationships, our emotions, our communications, and the list goes on. 

It is worth giving our all to find out what is really meant by the words communicated by the people we love in order to hold on to the truth.

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A to Z Challenge

D is for Doubt

 

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Doubt don’t got to dominate.
Doubt don’t got to rule.
Doubt is not the potentate.
Doubt is but a tool.

Doubt will help you measure
Your discipline and depth,
Your devotion to your treasure,
The fullness and the breadth.

Don’t follow doubt’s creation
To let it weigh you down.
With dogged determination
Defend your solid ground.

When doubt dangles its discordance,  
Deal doubt a diligence blow.
Depose doubt’s clanging dissonance.
Go to what you know.

Dedicate yourself to deepness.
Truth and triumph will console.
Your decision for completeness,
will guide you to your goal.

 

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Letter D for A to Z Challenge

Award Flu

I have not signed into or written on my blog for months.  Honestly, I found myself paralyzed by the blog awards.  It may seem silly, but what I found flattering and uplifting, I simultaneously allowed to confine and enslave me.

Not uncommon in my life, once other things clamoring for my attention filled my time, I found it easy to neglect blogging.  What had so recently been a joy to engage in, was now a weight.  Though I wanted to make time for it, I likewise wanted to avoid it.  The months went by and before I knew what had happened, blogging was but an afterthought, something I would read and respond to rather than a personal venture of my own.  How did the kindness of an award turn into a burden?

When I received my first award, I was touched that someone might think enough of what I had shared of myself to affirm me.  I followed the award reqs and I felt encouraged as was intended.  Then, as is almost routine among bloggers because everyone is about supporting other bloggers in their craft, more awards continued to come.  I appreciated the acknowledgement.  Wanting to honor those who had honored me by following through with what was expected in the awards, I found my strong sense of fulfilling my obligations shackling me and I couldn't break free.

The blogging community is about empowering others to write by providing tools and incentives to do just that.  The awards are one of those vehicles by which we can be a support staff to each other.  In no way do I want to impugn the giving of blogging awards.  Rather it was my response I hope to discourage in others.  I let self-imposed expectations inhibit me from doing something through which I found satisfaction.  I put up my own unnecessary road blocks.  Initially getting and responding to the awards was fun for me, but soon it became a trap for me.  I felt this cloud hanging over me.  I needed to let it rain my responses, I thought, before I could write anything else.  Pretty soon I didn't want to write anymore.

I tripped myself up by not letting go of something I didn't need to hold onto.  It is a real lesson for me personally in more than just blogging.  I like to say, "Get over yourself.  Get out of your own way,"  and here I was very much in my own way, not knowing how to move.

I just have to admit that fulfilling the requirements of the awards, as fun as they are, has got to be a secondary concern for me or award flu might set in again.  Better to get over myself and get on my way to delighting in living.

A Son's Wedding - A Mother's Transition

It has been a whirlwind weekend for our family.  We headed off last Thursday to join my son and prepare for his wedding on Saturday, on my birthday.  

Family came from all parts and we had a wonderful family reunion after the rehearsal on Friday.  

Then came the big event on Saturday.  It was beautiful and lots of tears were shed by Mom, (that's me).  

My Children were all in the wedding, the groom in the middle.

Of course they were happy tears, sort of.  I didn't think this would be as difficult as it is.   After all, isn't this what we get them ready for - to go off on their own, live their own lives, start their own families?

Really it isn't that I am not happy for the bride and groom.  I am.  They love each other and they bring out the best in each other.  What is difficult are these transitions.  It is like you are leaving behind one life and beginning another.  Transitions are difficult.  You know an era has passed.  That's a hard thing on a personal level for me.  Even happy transitions are hard things for some of us.

And so, though I should be rejoicing, and I am, I am also struggling with the emotional tumult of transition.  I feel bad for my family because I am sure I am a bit salty right now.  But salt brings flavor and salt preserves; so perhaps I'm adding something good with my internal wrestling match as it flavors their lives.

I am spending extra time with the Lord lamenting the emotions that accompany transition.  I am not complaining.  There isn't anything to complain about.  Look at this beautiful couple!  It is a wonderful thing, marriage.  

I am confessing, confessing that I want to be as joyful as I know I should be, but I am not there yet.  I am thanking, thanking God for the beautiful bride He has given my son, and the wonderful family He has blessed us with.  I am praising, praising God for who He is and how He works all these things for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.  I am just resting, dwelling in His presence so that my lament will turn to praise and thanksgiving and contentment and joy.   

Buck and Anna Dunn, married May 11, 2013 

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24

 Thank you to those who have passed along awards to my blog.  I appreciate you and will get to the responses eventually.  And thanks for coming by and celebrating this joyous time with me too. 

Insecure Writer's Support Group: Who Am I?

The Insecure Writer's Support Group

It has been such a busy month trying to keep up with the A to Z Challenge.  Now I have whirling around in my head that I want to make the next hurdle and post on the reflections link.  And will I make it?

I am not a novelist, but I love to write.  I primarily like to share things that I have learned or that I believe the Lord is teaching me that someone else might benefit from.  I am a counselor, a home school teacher, a mom, a wife, not necessarily in that order.  I have been a newsletter editor, a speech editor, a program editor, among my various editorial experience.  But who am I to think I can even be part of an "Insecure Writer's Support Group?"

It has been a real high being part of the A to Z challenge and rubbing words with all of you real writers.  Who am I?  I write my thoughts down in a blog.  I write devotionals for our home school newsletter.  I write in my journal.  I think about writing more extensively, but barely have time to keep up with the pittance I am already executing.  A to Z was a real CHALLENGE for me to fit in while keeping up with all the rest of my responsibilities.  I am no writer.  Am I?

Who am I?  I am not any one of any notoriety and probably never will be.  I am a pretty joyful, Christian wife and mom.  I am happy to be serving my family, the church, and the community in the capacity that I do.  But is the Lord really calling me to write?  Do I have something to say that needs to be heard?  Who am I?  

So while I came away from the A-Z Challenge really excited for all that I learned and everyone I met and what I was able to accomplish, I also came away with that sense of "what am I doing here?"  Who am I?

A to Z Challenge: Y is for YES And...

A to Z Challenge:  "Yes And..."

“Yes and” is an improvisation technique used to build on what your fellow actors or players, as they are called in improv, have created.  In improvisation the one rule that isn’t supposed to be broken is agreement.  “Yes and” is used in exercises and games to help practice the concept of agreement and create a story.

Yes in improvisation keeps the story moving forward while no shuts it down.  If you have been through any improvisation workshops or classes, the effect of each is one of the first things demonstrated to the beginning player.  It isn’t easy at first because it seems our natural inclination is to expect, look for, and create conflict.  It was very interesting to watch my beginning students try to employ the yes and initially and watch their progression over several classes as they begin to understand this concept.

“Yes and” requires that I listen to what my partner says and that I respond to it.  In improv, the aim is to treat fellow players like geniuses and to accept and justify everything the other says to create something together.  It’s a group game, so you have to work together.  If you think ahead or decide to grandstand to make yourself look good, you only end up tearing the whole thing apart and making everyone look bad, including yourself.  You have to be engaged with what is going on in the moment in order to respond.  So “yes and” only works if you are listening and interacting in relationship to others.

Oh that we all had more “Yes and” in our day to day life.  How about if we listened more deeply to one another so we could respond in the moment rather than running on to our next thought?  What if we worked at making each other look good, rather than looking out for number one?  What if we were more concerned with building something together than collecting up enough stuff for ourselves?  

Isn’t it amazing how much application to life Improvisation Workshops for kids offer?  “Yes and....”

A to Z Challenge

A to Z Challenge: 'U' is for Unite

A to Z Challenge:  U is for Unite

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U is for unite as it does when it comes between f and n for fun between friends in the here and now.

When we uNite, I put your needs before mine which is why ‘U’ ‘n’ ‘I’ ‘t’ogether ‘e’ndure.       

As we unIte, we don’t lessen our individuality, we maximize who we are.  We deny our demands, in order to invest ourselves in and for something bigger than ourselves.  Individually we commit to becoming our best so that together we make a terrific team.  More than friends having fun or needs being met, you and I together endure because united we are more.

UniTe is for come together time, because together we are more than  'U' 'n' 'I'.  

To unitE does not untie us from ourselves that we are no more.  We enhance each other where the sum of our parts enriches the parts to make us more than who we started out to be as you and me alone.

Unite needy individuals together to produce enhanced, enriched individuals who united together and for each endure and are more.

And [Jesus] answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”  Matthew 19:4-6 (NASB) 

   

A to Z Challenge

A to Z Challenge: Say Thank You

A to Z Challenge:  T is for Thankfulness.  

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Back at ‘G’ I chose the word gratitude.  It is worth repeating the sentiment again here as thankfulness or thanksgiving.  Maintaining an attitude of thankfulness, looking for ways to say thank you, to let those in our lives know that we appreciate them, can lift us up like little else.  Here are some ideas to say thank you to some of those in your life.

•   When you wake up, thank God that you did and for the day ahead.

•   Put a thank you note in your husband’s or child’s computer case, or notebook or lunch letting them know something you appreciate about them.

• Look for someone who you meet at the grocery store, in the bank, at the gym, who needs a lift and find something that they do that you can thank them for.  

• Notice that special someone who always goes the extra mile, and thank them as you let them know you notice and appreciate them.

• Send a note to someone who has influenced you to thank them for the particular impact they have had.

• Look for a service member or policeman, and thank them for their service and sacrifice.

• Recognize those who are smiling throughout your day by thanking them for their smile. 

• Text a friend or a child or a sibling to thank them for something they have said or done that you appreciate.

• Thank a blogger for something particular they have written that has blessed you.

•   At the end of the day, thank your family members for the little things you don’t usually notice.

• Thank God for another day of life, and if you did all this thanking, no doubt it was a day you appreciate a bit more than usual.

Life throws some tough turns our way.  Even in the midst of tremendous tribulation, thankfully counting blessings can provide strength and salve so deeply needed.  Thankfulness is a treasure we can all possess, and it is a multiplying treasure as we spread it around. 

In Everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.  

                                       1 Thessalonians 5:18

A to Z Challenge

Thank you, Arlee Bird, again, for this terrific A to Z Challenge.

Titus 2 Tuesday

Growing Home

A to Z Challenge: P is for Posture

A to Z Challenge:  P is for Posture

Improve your Posture

Posture says a lot about us.  It tells those we are with if we care to listen or not, if we put others first or ourselves, if we respect or disrespect, if we are confident or insecure, if we are lazy or disciplined, and so much more.  Posture not only points to what may be inside of us, it AFFECTS us and what’s inside.  

If we sit or walk upright and erect, shoulders back, we tend to be more alert, more confident, more cheerful.  Attitude affects posture and posture affects attitude.  You can lift yourself up by consciously working on improving your posture.

My friend recently described a meeting she had with a truculent subordinate.  Her fellow employee sat slumped across from her, one arm sprawled across the back of the chair, and his eye poised to roll with disapproval at the questions and suggestions of his supervisor.   She knew that he didn’t like that he was working for her.  He thought he should have a different position in the organization, but restructuring had placed him here, and he was going to be sure she knew he didn’t like it.  His attitude came through in his posture, and it wasn’t helpful to himself or his employer.

Posture is instrumental in our personal interactions harming or helping our relationships and our personal well-being.  However, the physiological effects not only have social and emotional ramifications, bad posture can lead to back pain, digestive trouble, and breathing problems among other issues.  Put positively, strengthen your back, improve your digestion, breath more fully  and live a better life simply by maintaining good posture.  

So what can you do to improve your posture?

1.  First know what good posture is.  Head erect, chin parallel to floor, shoulders back, chest out, stomach in, hips even, knees forward.

2.   Stretch and strengthen your back and your pectoral muscles.                  

           A.  The doorway stretch is great for stretching your 

                 pectoral muscles.  Place your forearm on the doorway

                 and push as you do a lunge with the same leg; hold for

                 30 to 90 seconds.  Rest.  Reach higher on the door-post

                 and lunge again.  Rest.  Reach lower on the 

                door-post and lunge again.  Repeat on the other side.  

            B.  One way to stretch your back is to tuck your buttocks

                  under your hips and reach forward with your arms

                  forming a ‘C’.  Hold for 30 seconds.  Reach arms up

                  Slowly and outstretch to side, pulling buttocks to the

                  back with your arms.  Repeat at least 3 times.  

3.  Pay attention.  Notice when you are standing, sitting, or walking if your posture is slumping and change it.  Ask others to keep you accountable until it becomes natural to maintain good posture.

4.  If you are working at a desk or at a computer, get up every half and hour and stretch.  

5.  Meditation enhances posture.

6.  Train your children early.  The importance of posture to our health, physical, emotional, psychosocial, and intellectual has been deemphasized.  Returning it to its rightful place in child training will benefit everyone.

Now if we can have such a positive effect on ourselves with a simple adjustment, why not give the proper attention to our posture?  

A to Z Challenge

A to Z Challenge: J is for Just

A to Z Challenge:  J is for Just

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“I just cannot believe it.”  I fumed.  “I cannot believe they are doing this after all we do for them.  Here they are in our house all the time, and they have the nerve to...”  And so my thought process continued for days.  I seemed to be just stuck in my anger and couldn’t break out of it.

Some friends of ours, who were regulars in our home, had asked us to pay for something of theirs that was damaged while they were visiting us.  The reason I was angry was that they were responsible for the damage.  It just happened at our house.  I just couldn’t get it off my heart or out of my mind.  And so I seethed and prayed.

“Lord, will you please just help me with this anger.  Lord I can’t get over their selfish demand.  I am really struggling with this.  Help me Lord.”  And so my prayer went for several days.

As I was stopped at a red light while out driving, the sunlight warming my arm as it rested on the door out the open window, I was still stewing and praying over my little vexation.  All of a sudden, I felt as if a hand touched my arm, and the Lord ‘spoke’ in my spirit.  

“Will you just let this go?!  Haven’t you been forgiven so much more than $20?  Don’t you see your own pride and self-righteousness and your own selfishness in your indignation?  Just get out of your own way.  Just forgive and let it go!”

I immediately felt free of the anger and filled with remorse over my own selfish, prideful attitude.  I cried with joy and appreciation for the forgiveness I have received which I was taking for granted, moved that God would so vividly impress on my heart the truth that I needed to embrace.  I could now get out of my own way and just let it go. 

Wouldn’t we all be much better off if we just let grace wash over those offenses in which we feel justified in being offended?  If we would then learn to just let those things go and forgive by God’s grace, we would just have so much more peace and contentment.  

I think just about anyone could agree that we just get just too offended by just too many perceived injustices.  Just let 'em go and move on.  They just don’t matter enough to rob you of your joy.  

Just sayin.’

A to Z Challenge

A to Z Challenge: G is for Gratitude

A to Z Challenge:  G is for Gratitude

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The power of gratitude cannot be understated.  It promotes well-being in all areas of one's personal life:  physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual.  It will help one face those most difficult of circumstances, and it makes the joys of life all the more joyous.  The positive effects of a thankful heart permeate to the very depths of who we are reaching out to impact our sleep, our health, our grades, and our approach to life in general.  

Our relationships will be stronger if we learn to appreciate as a way of life.  Forgiveness comes easier and grace flows in both directions more fluidly when gratitude is the river on which we sail.  Though slumps do come, they are overcome more quickly and with greater success when one is cultivating gratefulness. The sun shines brighter and life is just downright better with an attitude of gratitude. 

There are a number of studies which investigated the power of gratitude, all objectively verifying measurable positive reverberations from taking positive steps toward changing ones thinking and developing a more grateful attitude.  Here are a few of the suggestions.

1.  Count your blessings.  Don’t just think about or even just speak about what you have to be grateful for.  Write down 5 things a day and watch your attitude change and your health improve.  

2.  When you catch yourself complaining, stop.  Examine where that complaint is coming from.  Pull out the weed of complaining and find the flower of what you can be thankful for to plant in its place.  (Remember the old saying:  For every cloud, there is a silver lining.)  Be aware of your thinking and learn how to put off the destructive and put on the healthful.

3.  Find someone to help.  No I don’t mean to help you; I mean find someone you can help.  The act of giving of oneself has the added benefit of growing gratefulness for what you have.

In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.  

                                     1 Thessalonians 5:18

Here is an anonymous poem on gratitude found in many places:

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire.

If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don’t know something,

for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.

During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations,

because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge,

because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes.

They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you’re tired and weary,

because it means you’ve made a difference.

It’s easy to be thankful for the good things.

A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who

are also thankful for the setbacks.

Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,

and they can become your blessings.

~Author Unknown 

I wish you, today, a day filled with many things for which you are thankful.  

A to Z Challenge:  G